i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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