Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
