did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
