Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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