Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
