forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
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