Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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