everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
