so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
