dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
