dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
