I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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