Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
