I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
