Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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