I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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