People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
