someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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