I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
