i love accidental penises.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
