I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Randomize
