I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
