in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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