im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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