um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
