where does the pee come out of this thing
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
