i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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