DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
