Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
