maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
