He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
