We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i've created a new STD.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
