She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
