After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
