Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
