just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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