Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she smelled like a LAN party
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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