You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You pole danced in your parka.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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