mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
