When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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