bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
