the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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