is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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