U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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