But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
