No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
