I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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