I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
