It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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