just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
