I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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