god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
