dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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