I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I want a musical about memes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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