its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
