Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
