what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
