Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
