OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
